I saw my therapist today. I like her, she asks a lot of questions, and she really is qualified to help me unlike that other therapist. However, today was one of the most emotional days I have had in a while. Ups and downs, and then some news that I have been misdiagnosed all these years.
In Grade 2, I was diagnosed with ADHD. That was about 20 years ago. I didn’t know what that meant, all I knew was that my brain functioned at a higher level than everyone else’s. My brain thought faster.
Turns out, I DO NOT have ADHD, or I have this along with another mental illness: Bipolar Disorder Type II or Cyclothymia. Both of these disorders are manic depression disorders that affect the mood. My therapist is trying to figure out which disorder I have, but I don’t just have major depression (aka chronic depression), OCD and/or ADHD behaviors. I could also have obsessive compulsive habits, which many people have told me I do, but I would like a proper diagnosis. See, I was misdiagnosed before with chronic depression. Apparently, that is not the case.
I had an emotional day, and I’m ready to just collapse in a heap of confusion with my big yellow boy.
Oh, before I jump off – I found this poem on Darcy’s blog and it really describes how I feel sometimes. I sometimes have to fake it to make it.
I quite like myself
slouched over a television with a broken remote,
pale skin alive with glowing colors
at 3:33 in the morning
I think I am at my best
when I am hovered
over the kitchen sink just after dark
running hot water
over my raw fingers
I feel great
when I am sprawled across my bed
crying before I even wake up
sun pushing, unwanted,
through a dirty window
I am very happy with who I am
I say aloud in the car
while I consider driving into a tree
I am very happy with who I am
Sending hugs and strength from my corner. Peace wrapped in happiness and all those other things that would make this a perfect world. Sweet dreams to you and your big yellow bundle of fluff.
Thank you so much, Arline, and Tess and Theodore. 🙂
I hate emotional days. They suck the life out of me.
But as confusing and probably tiring as it is, hopefully you will get the correct diagnosis and you can get help according to that. I hope you’re doing fine now, and I’m sending you a virtual hug! Everything will be fine. 🙂
Thank you sweetie, I’m still kind of confused about everything, but I have some relief that I’m just not crazy, and there is something actually going on. I have an assignment to monitor my sleep, and make sure I also count how many positive/negative thoughts I have each day. She thinks there might be a pattern.
That’s good to know. At least now you’re getting some answers. I hope everything turns out OK, honey! 🙂 Good luck with it all.
I can so relate to this Heather, after struggling with depression my whole life, and not really understanding what was happening. Being labeled like that at such a young age, and then to have it be wrong, is simply unnerving and traumatic all in it’s own right. The good news is that more healing can begin as you figure out what your real challenges are. Please know I understand your pain, your dark places, as I have walked them myself. And also know you are loved deeply, and whatever I can do at any time, don’t hesitate to ask.
Aww, you seriously have me tearing up
Oh dear. I have a friend who was misdiagnosed and treated for bipolar disorder when it turned out she had adult ADHD all along. What a struggle that has been. I feel for you.
I hope this is it, and I can finally be treated for the right thing!