Recently, I have really noticed that I don’t have a lot of actual ‘let’s go hangout’ type friends. I have lots of Facebook friends, and long-distance friends, and friends I would put up for the night no matter what. But actually calling or texting up a friend in my area, and asking them to hang out – not so much. Why?

I keep thinking it might be me. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not ‘friend-worthy’? Is it just a cultural difference? I’ve always been the odd man out in this state. I’m not socially awkward, unless I’m trying to be (to be funny). I’m not strange or completely inappropriate. I’m funny, and I like to listen to different people’s beliefs and stories.

Yes, I am busy, and my ‘hang out’ schedule is sporadic at best. But still, it is nice to just plan something every once in a while with some friends and go hiking, or go drink, or even just watch a movie or play a video game. I don’t want to feel like I have to host when I have friends come over. Get your own soda out of the fridge, don’t ask to go to the bathroom, just go.

I miss college. I miss my friends and how things were back then. Lately, I’ve been feeling this more and more. Again, why?  Why now? I graduated and my friends moved away in 2010.

Maybe I really am that different from the people in my area. I am inappropriate sometimes, I talk about dogs too much, and I drink. In my area, not a lot of people drink, and I get ridiculed sometimes for my hair or what I wear.  I’m not going to change to fit in, as I should be able to be comfortable with myself.

Maybe because I work too much, and I can’t hang out when people want to hang out. My random schedule prevents that, unless it’s on a Sunday. That’s the only day where I don’t work. So, that’s the only day I can reliably hang out. Unfortunately, I live in a pretty religious area, so many people don’t do things on Sunday.  Since I’m not religious, this makes for a difficult predicament.

Maybe I’m just complaining, or maybe I am working too hard. But I’m working hard for a reason. There is an end goal. And I’m getting closer. It is just going to take time. I also feel like I’m hitting a low point again. Suck it up, Heather. Put on that happy face again.