Recharge time

Sometimes, listening to sad songs all day and reflecting is how I get through the day. I have pretty much avoided the world for the last week. Recharge time. Little to no human contact. I need space. I see clients, train dogs, and take care of business. I answer and return phone calls and emails, train, and do the minimum I need to do to heal. I need to recharge. I’m working hard, but not over extending. I’m not social this week. And I’m ok with that. I need a break from the world for a bit to heal. It’s too hard sometimes.

I’m avoiding some big decisions because I can’t trust myself to not be impulsive. Impulsive spending, reckless behavior, no consequences thinking. That’s what happens when I am manic.

When I’m depressed, I ignore big decisions. Seems either way, I’m avoiding decisions. One way, I get a super cool opportunity and maybe overwhelm myself. The other way, I miss out because I’m a responsible person.

My thought patterns seems incomplete. Scattered, too fast. I can’t keep up. But then I can’t complete a thought, so how fast is that? Or is it slow? I’m done thinking. Clearly, I’m not making sense.

Still rapid cycling, but it’s not as severe now. My heart still hurts. I’m seeing the demons at night again, and I’m trying as hard as I can to not shut down. Just give me a break.

How bad is it. Depression 4. Anxiety 3. Today was the first day both numbers were below a 5. It was a better day. No panic attacks. No panicking in general. I’m going to be ok. I don’t think there is a word for my mood today. Carefree, peaceful, nonchalant…

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