In the journey of finding my missing pieces this week and working on self improvement, I found out I have an addiction. This is hard to admit, as we never like to learn these things about ourselves. But it has given me clarity and a sense of peace and I am committed to the changes that make us stronger people.
I have an emotional addiction. What this means is when things are ‘normal’, we need to take on more to make things exciting. There are usually negative emotions we are addicted to (fear, sadness, anger) and we continue to do things to cause these emotions because of the release of chemicals into our body, like most drugs. We seem to pick fights, make mountains out of molehills, take on more than we can handle, and stress about things we can’t control. Which leads to lots of other emotions, but this is how we get there. There’s that word again, control. Yes, people who have an addiction to emotions are controlling and what comes with that? Selfishness. BOOM-arrow to the heart…
I had an epiphany last night when talking with a friend for a few hours, and I realized a lot of my unbalance in my life has been caused by this addiction. It also creates something called ‘Relationship Addiction‘. This is a type of addiction where you use your partner as a type of ‘fix’ to get that emotional response you are craving. Guess what… I was doing all of that. I didn’t even know this was a possibility, nor a real type of addiction. So, before I can ever make anyone else happy and be in a healthy relationship, I need to focus on myself first.
I’m ready to work on my rehabilitation and learn how to manage this better. There is a local clinic that specializes in working with people who have unbalance in their life and have issues like this. I will also be learning how to better communicate when trying to get a point across when emotions are high. This is a 3hr class once a week for 6 months. As I am committed to myself to make changes for the better, I will be getting information on this class to see when I can start, how much it costs, when the classes are, etc. Since I run my own schedule, I can plan around it.
Finding this out about myself was emotional. But personal growth is always difficult. This knowledge has brought me to a “truth” of sorts. I also found out this week, a “truth” in a religious setting means when it makes sense logically to you, but you also truly feel it and believe it with all your heart. Finding out this truth has brought me a sense of peace, and a sense of purpose. Finding this out puts you on a high. I’m still deciding if I’m manic after getting my mind blown with this information last night, or if I’m riding this high of knowledge of self awareness.
I will continue to update you all as I continue to find my pieces and who my inner self is. This is the beginning of a beautiful lifelong journey I never knew I would ever take part in. When faced with emotional trauma, we either lift ourselves up, or we beat ourselves down. I have usually done the latter.
This is the best and most insightful essay I have ever read on this addiction! Hope your positive progress continues!
Thank you Frank! It was a little heartbreaking to read the article about relationship addiction, but it makes a lot of sense, and as the article suggests, I’m getting help after the relationship ends. The man I was seeing was absolutely amazing in nearly every way, but I can’t be happy, and I can’t make him happy when I’m mentally sick. I’m getting help for my addiction, and starting the class in December (they were full until then).
I hope this helps you!
I hope you remember me–I was the author of a blog called Pit Bull Foster Momma, which hasn’t been active in a while, but we connected because of the blog. I tried emailing but the old email I have didn’t go through. You can email me back at email@example.com if you get this. I’m writing this evening because I was made aware of a situation with a friend of ours out of Idaho who needs some urgent help. I am in Connecticut so not able to help directly myself. She is fostering a dog that is fearful of men for a local shelter that is not very pit bull friendly, and while out at a training class a man approached her without asking to pet the dog. The dog lunged at him, did not snap, and did not bite. However, the guy called the shelter to complain and the shelter, and now they are threatening to put the dog down in the morning, unless she adopts the dog. She can’t keep the dog herself, as she has four others. However, it seems like she is willing to foster the dog until a placement could be found with a rescue. We have worked with Judy (our friend) before with the rescue we used to be a part of (we are taking a break from rescue right now). She does not underplay behavioral issues and when I asked straight up if there was any snap or attempted bite, she said no, so I trust that to be the case. She is willing to travel to Utah if any adopter or foster home can be found for the dog. Would you mind letting me know if you have any contacts that are reputable in your area that might be able to help? Do is in Idaho, but our friend will travel to Utah, Wyoming, and northwest US to get dog to a pit friendly rescue.
Here are photos and video of the dog:
I emailed you! 🙂