Reading more of “Captivating” by John & Stasi Eldredge, and this particular part is regarding Adam and Eve. Now, I’m not particularly religious, but I can appreciate some of the stories, without believing in a particular God (but God isn’t a person. It’s a power…anyway, different post). The morals and concepts are still very valuable. Yes, I’m reading a book that is very, very Christian. So sue me. ANYWAY, this section talks about the story of Adam and Eve. We’ve all heard it. Adam was put on the Earth, and something was missing. Something wasn’t right. It was Eve. God gave Adam…Eve. They were told not to eat the forbidden fruit. The serpent told Eve she could and it would give them immortal, godly powers. God told them they would die if they ate it. Eve ate the fruit, and then offered it to Adam.
What I’m getting at is not how we pay for these sins, or that because of their ‘greediness’, we opened Pandora’s Box or any of that other shit. (Forgive me all my religious friends…) No, I’m asking different questions. Why did Eve eat the fruit? Why didn’t Adam stop her? Why did Eve question God’s word and listen to the serpent? Those are the million dollar questions, aren’t they?
Ok, Eve ate the fruit first. She suggested it, she was coerced into eating it from the serpent in the first place. Alright, why? Why did she lose faith? Because she was curious, she didn’t know another way, the serpent swayed her?
Ok, so Adam’s side.. maybe he was curious too, and he thought the serpent had a point. Maybe he was frozen and was scared of what Eve would do if he stopped her. Where was he when this was happening? Right there next to her. He didn’t do shit to stop her from taking/picking the fruit, eating it, nor giving it to him. He went silent. He froze. He avoided a confrontation. He avoided a fight. Now, in the story, things would have been all dandy if this didn’t happen. But it did. In allowing this to happen (on both sides, Eve and Adam), sin was ‘born’ and women were graced with loneliness, control and dominance, men were cursed with futility and failure.
Let’s talk on the woman’s side of things.. known as “Fallen Eve”. Fallen Eve protects herself against the hurt of the ‘sins’ by either being controlling and dominant….because the fear vulnerability. Or desolate and needy.. because they fear abandonment. Sometimes, she can be both. I tried to kill my heart’s longing for intimacy so that I would be in control. A symptom of this ‘Fallen Eve’ the book talks about.
It asks about what my biggest fear is. Spiders? Failing? Being alone? No. Betrayal. Abandonment. Desolation. Being unimportant. Coming to terms with this as my biggest fear makes me vulnerable. I’m ok being vulnerable… to a point. I can be vulnerable with myself. Not with another person anymore. That requires trust. Which I don’t know if I can trust like that ever again.
Now, reading a little more in the book “Healing from Trauma”, there were a few sentences that struck home that also tie in to this story in Captivity.
“Traumatic events are like thieves that take something precious from us.”
I had something stolen from me. But I’m not curling up in a ball and letting my life go on without me. No. I’ve acknowledged it, I’m moving forward, and I’m making the best decisions on what I see fit for myself. Sometimes this a convoluted decision to some. No one needs to understand but me. I’m determined to get back my something precious. Only I can do that, and I won’t be crippled. I don’t need to explain my decisions to anyone, and no one else lives my life but me. I’m in this. I make my own path now.
“You didn’t choose what happened, but you can choose your path now.”