Business is Good!

This year has come with it’s own set of challenges. I am a generally a very positive person, and try to focus on the good in everything. So, I have chose to eliminate as much negativity from my life as possible. Ain’t nobody got time for dat!

One of the biggest changes has been the hiring of a new employee! It just so happens to be my special someone, Caleb! We have been talking about him helping me for a while, and we recently agreed he would be moving in at the end of May. Well, I broke my foot a few weeks ago, and I’m totally immobile. So, we jumpstarted everything, and he is pretty much living here now, he quit his day job, and I’m training him on how to do everyday chores, canine psychology, obedience, pressure/release, energy, handling, managing groups (daycare), puppy training, etc. I’ve given him a list of books and videos I want him to watch, and we have been doing awesome so far.

All of the private client sessions, pick ups, drop offs, and another client-facing session, we are doing together. And it is working out like a dream. We are supporting each other, and we both chime in when working with the client. I think within a few weeks, he’ll have the knowledge and experience to do a whole session by himself. Right now, we are doing everything together because he’s still learning, but soon enough, we can double our efforts, and see twice as many clients, and work twice as many dogs.

Heather Rose Broken Foot

This is how swollen my foot was the morning after I broke it.

Now, for my broken foot… I was helping with unloading some things from a truck, and it was raining. I was standing on the wheel of the truck and I slipped. I jumped backwards because I was going to fall anyway, and I tried to save it. I didn’t know there was a toolbox behind me, and I landed on it. Slipped off the side, and landed on my foot which was sideways. I ended up breaking my navicular, calcaneus, and talus bones in my foot as well as possibly tearing a tendon and quite a few ligaments. The doctor also suspects some nerve damage. Optimistically, I’m on bedrest for 6 weeks, and I have to stay completely off of it. After that, I’m in a walking boot for at least 4 weeks, and then we can start rehabilitation on the soft tissue.

The hardest part is the mental. It sucks not being able to move and all, but not being able to do the daily tasks of my business is soul-crushing. Teaching Caleb to do everything is tricky because he isn’t me. He’s doing an awesome job at everything, and he’s realizing how much work this is. But we are in this together. We are awesome at communication and working through feelings, finding solutions to problems together, and we both take criticism fairly well. We both understand the challenges of working together full time, so we’ve made sure that every day, we both get to do something fun together and alone. It’s hard because I’m teaching him to do my job. My job right now is my bed rest. Let’s be honest; I’m not good at all at relaxation, taking it easy, or being still. I’m a DO-ER! I always have to be doing something.

So, I have found something I can do from my bed, while still work. Paperwork, update my social media, and talk to people about pawtree! Paw Tree is a natural, holistic food you can feed to your dogs. However, it’s not just a kibble, it’s a complete nutrition plan specifically designed for your dog. I have been signed up as a PetPro for a few months now, but haven’t been as active as I could be because I’ve been busy with running my business. It wasn’t a priority. Now, because I can’t walk dogs or work on ecollar, this can be a priority for me. I can still work with puppies, do obedience, teach manners and place, and some other exercises where I can sit on the floor with the dog. Caleb is doing most of the handling for anything with the leash.

Heather Rose Caleb Marten Project K9 Training Puppy

Caleb, working with Slugger, one of our training puppies

Anyway, we are figuring it out, and as a team, we are doing all our training tasks, daily chores, and taking on a ton of new clients and training dogs. We are thriving, and we will continue to figure out better ways to do everything and how to be a better team. So, we are still offering all our services, and not slowing down much due to my injury, which is more than I could ask for right now.

So, that’s why I haven’t updated much in my blog the last few weeks. Been busy with all this. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to (hopefully) get casted. It was too swollen last week, and I’m still in a splint and an ace bandage. If the swelling goes down, then we’ll cast and start the real healing process. Cross your fingers!

Somebody That I Used to know

And there I was today. Listening to the radio after my dog training social class this morning on the way home. And a song comes on the radio. Reminding me of a deep, dark feeling I haven’t been able to shake for years. It reminded me of someone I used to know…

My ex boyfriend. The relationship started about 7 years ago. He was… amazing. He was there for me, always. I was there for him, and helped him become a better person. I truly believed we helped each other.  He was… is one of the most selfless people I have ever met in my life. He would do anything to make me happy. And that’s why I ended it.

The feelings I had then – I didn’t know what they were. I had self doubt, hatred, and confusion, but also .. was it love? High school was easy for me. I had a 4.0, and my boyfriend just didn’t. So, I made him my project. I helped him learn the material and better himself academically. He applied himself and really made a difference. His grades came up, and he started enrolling in classes that were above the level of his previous classes. Not to say he wasn’t intelligent – he was… is.  Though, academics and school weren’t important to him then. He really worked hard and graduated with a 4.0, just like I did.

By the time he graduated high school, I was in college. I was taking around 26-30 credit hours any given semester, and focusing on school. My boyfriend took a backseat. Our relationship wasn’t as important as learning all the new material. Eventually, I burned out and needed a distraction. I found a guy at my college who was mediocre in looks, and had a funny personality. So, I thought I wanted to date.

I broke it off with my boyfriend of 3 years. Just like that. Called him up on the phone and said I wanted to see other people. I broke his heart and completely betrayed his trust. I hurt this wonderful person and shattered him into a million pieces. I didn’t realize how much this hurt me until a few weeks later. When I realized the new guy I was dating was a chump. I called my ex-boyfriend and told him my story.

Broken-heart-broken-hearts-6853600-640-582

I didn’t realize what I was doing to him. I was now taking the broken pieces of his mangled heart and throwing them into a blender. Putting all dignity and self-worth he had left into the meat grinder. Even though we had broken up, I felt he was still my best friend and he meant so much to me. Not romantically anymore – I fucked that up. So, out of the sake of our friendship and because I cared so much for this person, I stopped talking to him.

I think a little bit of me died then. I lost not only my best friend and my boyfriend, but a little bit of myself. The blanket of darkness that I had been feeling just closed in a little closer. Hugging me until I couldn’t breathe. I had to stop myself contacting him. I couldn’t do it – because I cared for him so much.

I met my husband in college shortly after this happened. Weeks later, actually. And love began to blossom. I fell in love with this man who stole my heart and helped me forget some of the pain I was feeling. We dated for a few years before actually getting married, and it was wonderful. I love my husband and he is now my best friend.

Though, my ‘person’, if you will, at the time, was my ex. I don’t want him romantically anymore, nor did I when I was dating my husband. But I felt a hole in my heart where his company used to be. It’s never been filled, and it remains dormant and empty. That space cannot be filled by anyone else. I found my ex-boyfriend on Facebook and requested to be friends, which he accepted. We don’t talk – other than ‘Happy Birthdays’.

Recently, I received a strange call while I was training a client’s dog. We were almost finished, and I ignored the call. The number buzzed my phone again. Again, I ignored it. A few minutes go by… and my phone buzzes again. I apologize to my client, and answer the call, my heart beating slightly faster. “Hi Heather… It’s [my ex’s name]…” My heart stopped, and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I managed to say hi back, and then silence. It felt like forever. He finally said, “I have something to say, and then I’m going to hang up.” He said that he was sorry. He was sorry for not being there, and for all the mistakes he made. He said he wants me to forgive him. And then he hung up.

Now, because I’m prisoner to my demented thinking process, I immediately thought he was going to try to hurt himself. I couldn’t let that happen! I tried finding his family, calling my mom to find any shred of old family contact information we had. There was nothing I could do. I cried and called my husband and told him what happened. No one could calm me down. I was a tornado, a spiral of out of control feelings.

About 40 minutes later, he calls me back and we …chat. I tell him I’m mad at him for making me worry, and cry on the phone. He said he didn’t mean to scare me, and that he was doing a self-improvement program. One of the things he had to do is close loose-ends. One of those was with me. He wanted to be friends again, and understood if we couldn’t. I don’t feel this happy often. It was like I was at Disneyland! Of course I wanted to be friends!! I was excited to meet his new girlfriend, and he was excited to be reconnected. It was a joyous day and I couldn’t contain my excitement! We discussed setting up a date where we could meet each other’s significant others and have dinner. He ended the call saying he would be in touch in a few days.

A week later, I still hadn’t heard anything, so I texted him. Nothing. A week later…still no answer. So, I logged on Facebook to check to see if he had messaged me or posted on my wall. He had unfriended me. I have been cut off.  This person who marched back into my life after 5 years of no contact. He’s just gone. Again.

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Credit to Chris Works

Now… to deal with the pain, the guilt, and the betrayal. I have come to the conclusion that it’s really over. The relationship, the feelings, the guilt. The friendship is over. As painful as this is, I have to accept it. I don’t know how many people really feel this way about their ex. Someone who was so special, but in a deeper way than just a boyfriend, or just a friend. It was like he was a part of me. That part is dead. That part of my heart will not grow back or be filled, and there is just an empty void left to fill the blackness.  He’s now just somebody I used to know.

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Lyrics (If anyone is interested)

[Gotye:]
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]
But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know