Gay Marriage

Marriage-is-about-LOVE-gay-marriage-26811416-500-375Gay. Marriage. Depression. Sex.

A few things in my life. I am gay (well, bisexual to be technical). I am married, to a man. Just happened that way. I wasn’t particularly looking for a man, I could have ended up with a woman. But it just ended up that way. That’s ok, too. Depression, well, I’ve talked about that one before. And Sex. I LOVE sex. Who doesn’t?

Anyway, gay marriage. Let’s put those together.  GAY MARRIAGE. In my mind, this is a beautiful thing. 2 people meeting, finding love, and starting a life together.  To some, it’s repulsive. Why? Because it’s so misunderstood, religion, ignorance, lack of education, change, something new…

Many reasons.

Why do I see gay marriage this way? Because 1) I’m gay. 2) I think if you have to fight for something, you appreciate it more. You are fighting against society. You have to really FIGHT and take abuse in order to continue being yourself and loving someone.

Family. GAY MARRIAGES having CHILDREN together. A man and a man biologically cannot have child together.  A woman and a woman biologically cannot have a child together. Does this mean they can’t have children? No! There are other ways to have a baby. And these ways are beautiful.  These people have to work so hard for what they want in life.  Again, this is wonderful, and almost brings tears to my eyes to see something so beautiful.

Depression. Many people already suffer from depression, but imagine this: A gay man is married to a woman, and has a couple of kids. Every day, he has to lie to himself. Force himself to sleep with someone who he doesn’t find attractive, and in some cases – finds disgusting. Sexually, he is not satisfied by her. Physically, he is missing a part of himself. Is this right? In my mind, no. He is wasting his life, pretending to be someone he is not. So, depression sets in. Does he leave his family to be himself? Does he stay and live out a life that is a lie?

Sex. Woman on woman, man on man, woman and man. What is right? Why? We are in a civilization where people can BE HAPPY.  People get uncomfortable when we talk about gay sex. Why? Picture: A woman and a man having sex. Great, right? Now a woman on a woman:  Men and women alike seem to be fine with this as well. Now, a man and a man having sex: For me, I think it’s fine too – no change in feelings. For some people, this is unacceptable, and makes them cringe. Why?  To be, again, all sex is beautiful.

Discrimination.samesexmarriage

It’s an ugly word with many meanings. Let’s stay on topic and talk about gay marriage. The entire gay community has been discriminated against for as long as there were open gays in the world. Now, why? I have a theory. I see my gay friends, myself included, and I see different personalities. I think society has a problem with the more flamboyant gays. Ones that like to advertise themselves, as well as being gay. They like to talk about gay sex in front of straight people to get a rise out of them. They like to say ‘spread awareness’. But, would any other combination of a couple talk about their bedroom life so openly? Some would, of course. But, because the gay community has to fight so hard for what they want, it sometimes seems like they try too hard. Good intentions, gone bad, I think.

I like talking about sex just as much as anyone, and will openly answer any questions anyone has. Maybe not everyone would do that, but I don’t advertise my bedroom life, nor would I think my partners would appreciate that. Since I am married, I only have one sex partner, but that wasn’t so in the past. And I can honestly say, I don’t think any of them would like me talking what we have done in the past without their permission, or unless they were there.

As a close to this thought I had today, I want to point out, there are bad eggs in every genre of people. Just because someone is gay doesn’t mean they are a bad person, or a bad mom/dad. It doesn’t mean they are going to hurt someone or not do well in school. It doesn’t mean they can’t love. And it doesn’t mean they can’t be happy. It means they are different. And as a society, I hope we grow to accept all differences in this world.

STOP THE BULLYING! STOP THE HATE! STOP THE DISCRIMINATION. We all want to be loved and acknowledged. And here’s a funny video as thanks for reading my thoughts today.

Waiting for the Crash

drinksOver the weekend, I had a great night with some friends. We decided to go to a gay bar for a night of friends, drinking, and dancing. I don’t bar hop often, mostly because I don’t have many friends to bar hop with. If I did, I would go more. I like gay bars, especially, as I can be myself without feeling judged. It’s a nice feeling that I don’t have often.

Anyway, I met some fun new people, and made a new friend. We danced, we laughed, and I was happy. Partly because I was piss-ass drunk, but that’s beside the point! My friend, who I have known for about 4 years, is moving. So, we went out to celebrate our friendship, and hang out for one last time before they leave at the end of the week. We have an interesting relationship because we both suffer from depression, and we are both bisexual. Wow, first time I have ‘said’ that out loud. (Whoo, coming out time..and it’s about time!).

I have known about my sexuality for about.. oh… 10 years or so. And while I don’t hide it, I don’t announce it either. It’s really none of other people’s business what I do intimately. Either way, I’m coming out now because it’s part of my therapeutic road. My friend, on the other hand, is married, has a couple of kids, and she is just now finding out that she is bisexual. Now, she’s wondering how it would feel to be with a woman. Her husband doesn’t understand what it means to be bisexual, so he is telling her to hook up with a girl. With time, I’m hoping he will start to understand. It’s a hard road, especially when you are in a committed relationship. It’s hard because being bisexual, you will only ever be satisfied on ‘one side’, no matter which way you choose. That’s a different blog altogether, and not relevant to this one.

The more I get ‘in tune’ with opening up about myself, the more comfortable I become. Yes, I will lose friends along the way – it seems to always happen. But the way I live my life is up to me. And I have many views that are ‘against the grain’ when it comes to sexuality, religion, politics, and generally everything. I love tattoos, piercings, and I love when people express themselves. Sometimes, you have to make the hard decisions and buck up and do it, to find out who you are.

Anyway, back to my story… we danced, had a blast, and when the bar closed at 2am, we didn’t want the night to end, so we out to eat down the street. We chatted more, sobered up a bit, and then made our way home. By the time I got home, it was close to 5am, and with songs still ringing in my head, I tell my husband what a wonderful night I had! Now, most husbands might not want their wife going to a bar, a gay bar no less, and then coming home when she pleases… at 5 am. Well, my husband doesn’t fall into that category, and truly wants me to do what I want! Which is just how we roll.

Now, today, I received a package in the mail with my membership certification from the IACP (www.canineprofessionals.com), and I’m so happy!! Yay, I was accepted, and it’s one more step for me to becoming a fully fledged, professional dog trainer! *Filled with happiness again!*IACP

As many of you also suffer from depression, it’s scary to get too happy. Because as soon as you feel good about something, one little itty bitty thing can ruin the whole happy place you have built up for yourself. Came home, watched a movie with the hubby, and then started blogging.

I hate the feeling of anticipation. I hate feeling like a crash is about to start. I’m starting to get the uneasy feeling again. What’s worse, is that when I start to feel like this, it seems I’m the one who ruins it. Because all my negative feelings, I make it happen. Just like with dog training, a dog can sense your feelings. If you are anxious, he has reason to be anxious. When these feelings start, it’s best for me to just focus on something that it’s mindless and try to get through the day. That’s how I handle things. One day at a time.