Good Day

Had a pretty good day so far. It all starts by how I wake up. I woke up a few minutes before my alarm this morning, and got ready for my doggie social class. I was going to a different class today, as the dog I normally take was neutered on Thursday. He’s not ready to up and around yet. Class went well, BIG CLASS today. I LOVE big classes!

Me and NapoleonThere were 3 Great Danes in class today, and Napoleon made friends with one of them. They played the whole time, and made the ache of getting a dane come back. A lady in my neighborhood is going to be having Dane puppies in May, and I’m interested, but not quite sold yet. I don’t have a lot of information yet. I have a ton of questions to ask, and I want to make sure I get a healthy puppy. I don’t so much care about show lines or whatever, but I just want to make sure mom and dad are healthy.

I was able to talk to the head trainer about some concerns I have been having with Napoleon and the crating. He is crate-trained, because he knows the command, goes in no problem, and lays down immediately.

It was a nice day today, so my husband and I took our motorcycle out and have lunch. It was a great day, and I love having a mini-date when we can. We came home, and then worked on my website.When we are gone, I have nanny-cammed him before, and he is perfect. Just goes to sleep, or chews on his bone. But if we are home, he whines, and has a high-pitched migraine-inducing bark. …nonstop! I have waited for hours before.  All the techniques I have used with other dogs-not working for my boy! So, my trainer recommended I try out a bark collar. I haven’t used one before, but this will be good. I’ll get to learn how to use one on my own boy, and learn the proper way to use it. The goal is to eventually not use it all. I will be giving this a try.

It’s finished! Yay! Pawsitive Dog Training. I’m pretty happy with the outcome, and I can happily say I am very proud of my work. Finally finished, and I’m happy with the logo my friend made for me. I’ve been through countless logos, including another one my coworker made for me for free. None of them were… simple enough, or didn’t fit my business model. I found one I can use for anything, and that’s exactly what I have been looking for.

So, now, I’m off to play some video games, and drink more coffee. Yum! Have a great weekend, all!

Napoleon..and his beginning

253706_1679337033150_7345804_nI adopted my lovely boy, Napoleon almost 2 years ago. He is a beautiful golden lab, now a senior at 8 years old. He loves pretty much everything, including the vacuum cleaner and the sound of motorcycles. When we brought this furbaby into our life, I never realized how much he would mean to me. He really is my ‘furbaby’. Now, as a trainer, I understand what proper leadership is, and how to behave around my dog. I also know how to discipline and reward. I recently stopped using positive dog training, and focus more on working on teaching the mind. Everything I learn, I practice on my happy go lucky dog first. I actually think he likes it.

He was about 75% obedience trained, and listened to my husband way better than me. Which is understandable. Dogs respond better to a male voice than to a female voice. So, I worked on verbal commands with him. He’s about 80% reliable with distractions. I needed more. So, we focused on hand signals. He’s about 90% reliable with distractions, and I think that’s as good as I will get him. Especially with how much time I have to devote to him. Which isn’t enough – it’s not as much as I want, and I wish I had more. However, having a full-time day job, and then running my own business on top of that is stressful and time consuming. I’m hoping there is an end. *sigh*… there has to be.

Now, leash training. Great with my husband, not at all with me. So, we work on this… and work some more. And he has shown massive improvement over the last two years. We introduced the Halti. He doesn’t like it, but he knows we aren’t going on a walk without one. He used to pull on the leash to get to children and cats. This has pretty much completely gone away. He learned that when he’s on a leash, he’s working. Yes, he still wags his tail and gets really excited, but he doesn’t pull anymore. Progress.

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Another challenge: Food. He is SOOOO food oriented because he was trained with positive training…meaning food rewards. He worked for food, not respect. Not to please the leader, but to get a quick treat. We don’t work this way, and I don’t train this way. We compromise with him because he was used to training this way for 6 years. The 10% of training I lose is when there is food… or worse – children with food. So, we continue to work on this, but unfortunately, I believe what is done, is done.

For the most part, he is the perfect dog. And I thought that, until we took him to the K9 Lifeline’s social class so I could learn more about training in a pack environment, and using other techniques besides positive training. I’m open to learning many techniques, and I have an open mind. I won’t hurt or scare a dog, but I demand respect as soon as walk in the door. Some dogs are immediately intimidated when I walk in because they aren’t used to this. Other dogs, challenge me because they see me as a threat to their rank. Other dogs accept me right away and are thankful for the leadership. Napoleon – he accepts his rank, and realizes humans are above him in rank. Anyway, we took him to class and the head trainer said I needed to get him under control. Confused, I asked what the problem was. She pointed out he was pushy and getting in other dogs’ faces. He was running around like crazy and increasing the energy in the room, thus raising the adrenaline of all the other dogs. In a high-tension/stress environment, he could cause a fight. Whether he was involved or not, it would have been his fault. That’s when I realized I had work to do. And I wanted to be educated by someone who was that in tune to a dog’s behavior. A dog she had never met before. I was intrigued, and inspired. I had to learn more.

So, for the next 6 months, we continued to go to this class, every Saturday. I learned and so did my canine counterpart. He has shown remarkable improvement, and I had no idea how much energy he had until we started working with him. 6 months worth of work later, my dog is calmer, I’m more in tune to canine behavior, and I have realized positive dog training causes so many problems that aren’t recognized to the early trainer, or someone who is focused solely on positive training. Does it work? Yes. Is it the most effective, non-violent way to train? No.

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I don’t believe in hurting a dog into submission or causing fear for them to respect you. I did realize, after practicing on my own dog, and it’s a battle of the mind.

Which leads me to my next topic. Napoleon isn’t a HUGE dog, but he’s very large for a lab. He’s a healthy 85lbs (after losing 40lbs of fat after I adopted him). Trying to control him by force or physical strength would be exhausting, and he would win every time. Just like giant breeds, you have to learn to control their mind, not their body. Napoleon doesn’t jump on people…unless the person is provoking him and he feels he is being ‘invited’ to jump. Which has happened on occasion.

Anyway, Napoleon is taking this dog training journey with me, and I practice everything I learn on him to see if it will work on an ‘ideal’ happy-go-lucky dog. Which is exactly what he is. He is my best friend, and my rock when my husband can’t be. It’s not his fault, but my dog sees into my soul like no one else. He looks at me, and sees… everything. All my hurt, pain, happiness, confusion… every emotion. He doesn’t have to fix it… he just has to be there.  And he is.

Backstory

A story about my life, and the struggles I am currently facing. It’s difficult because my life would be out there for everyone to see. But… maybe it will help people who also struggle with depression and/or have gone through a personal trauma.

Now, about me. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at the end of 2010. At the time,
there were quite a few traumatic events that took place leading up to a nervous breakdown, and eventually ended up with me at the therapist…because I tried to kill myself. Since then, I have realized I have always been depressed, though unable to accurately describe how I was feeling. I felt I had no reason to feel that way, and felt guilty because I was unhappy and sad when I should have been feeling happy and grateful for my life.

Since then, I have been medicated, gone through talk therapy, done self-improvement
programs, and discussed feelings. Some of it was effective, but when I was drugged, I was
numb. Instead of feeling sad and worthless, I felt nothing. I welcomed the lack of
feelings for a while, but then I felt like an empty shell of a person, just being a zombie
– going through the motions, but not really feeling anything.

In March of 2011, my husband and I adopted a gorgeous yellow lab, who is now a member of our family. He has helped me so much, and I can talk to him without feeling judged, lost, or walk like I’m on eggshells.
People don’t understand. When I open up and actually tell someone how I feel, they get
defensive or say ‘Don’t feel like that’, ‘Don’t talk like that’, ‘You know I love you’, or
‘You have friends you can talk to. Just talk it out.’. Yeah, well – because I haven’t
tried those before, right? Well, my dog doesn’t tell me those things. He just rests his
big head on my lap and licks my hand. In my world, he’s telling me that he understands and wants
me to know he’s there for me. With no words. He understands, and with just one look at me,
takes some of the pain away. He has become a crutch, and I depend on him to be there for me when I get home.

Napoleon

We thought about training him as a therapy dog. But his personality isn’t the right fit.
That’s alright, he’s still my crutch at home. I just can’t take him with me on trips or to
work or the grocery store. I just have to hold on until I get home and I’m with him again.

I love my husband, and I have talked to him about all my feelings. But again, there’s a
difference between a dog and a human. It’s not that I love him less, it’s that it’s
different. He tries to be supportive, but doesn’t understand how painful it is to be alive sometimes. When I try to tell him that, he gets upset. He doesn’t understand. We have been working through it, and he is trying to learn more about depression. He wants to try therapy again. Last time, my therapist wanted to talk about my childhood. I don’t want to
talk about it. There are a few reasons for that, which I won’t get into. Not yet.

This blog is about handling my depression and how I have/will overcome challenges. Right
now, I am in the process of opening up my dog training business. It has always been my
passion, and I am finally doing it. I am a ‘baby’ in this field, but I want to learn
everything there is to know, and become great in every aspect. I want to handle any
problem, any dog, and have any discussion (this includes the incredibly difficult
discussion of euthanasia). I want to be great, not just an average trainer.

Some of the challenges my husband and I have faced over last year have been trying on our marriage, on my career, and on my sanity. And I don’t exaggerate when I say ‘sanity’. We bought a new house in 2010 and had massive flooding problems. In 2012, we believed we had completely fixed the problem since we didn’t have problems for over a year. We struggled for 2 years to fix the problem, and rebuild 1/2 our home. Finally, we rebuilt and laid down new carpet. We refurnished our home – almost every piece of furniture in our house was bought new. We were finally done. This constant stress point put my stress levels and ability to deal with anything else at an ultimate high. For the last two years, this chapter of my life has been a constant struggle and pain point. Above that, we dealt with death, broken promises to each other, and loss of work.

This blog is going to be personal, challenging, and a journey for me. I hope that in writing this blog, I won’t be judged or seen any differently. For those of you who already know me, some of what I post will be a shock. I’m putting it out there, I’m not hiding anymore.