Tag Archives: life

Busy but Rewarding Week!

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packwalk

Sorry that  I haven’t posted in a while. I have had double trainings after my day job every single day this week-good thing I’m still ‘elevated’. Business is booming! And I have a pack walk planned tonight that I am very excited about. It looks to be a good turnout, so we’ll see how many people show. I’m expecting about 20 dogs . It’s a perfect size for a pack walk!

Anyway, what happened since I posted last…? Ah yes!

Napoleon is on a new ‘boot camp’ schedule, and he’s making progress already. It’s a course between 6 -10 weeks, and I expect we will learn a lot! We are following the training protocol to the letter, and he has shown remarkable improvements already. Normally, when you let him out the kennel, he gets really excited and jumps around, and pants, and sometimes even barks/whines. Not anymore! Only 1 week of ‘calm’ training within the kennel, he is showing major results.

-No whining/barking
-Better behavior on walks and when playing with me
-Calmer demeanor when he is out of the kennel
-Responding very well to being the crate for so long.

Now, let me make a note here. Napoleon is a good dog – he has very minor issues (if you can even call them issues). But as an aspiring trainer, I want my dog to reflect the training I do. Immediately, when I tell people I am a trainer, they look at Napoleon to see how he is behaving. Most of the time, he is wonderful. However, when he gets adrenalized, he makes mistakes and bad decisions. This is why we are doing more advanced training through obedience. He is attentive to me about 90% of the time in the house/back yard/front yard, but that percentage drops dramatically when he gets adrenalized. It’s probably at about 40%. So, again – this is why we are doing a ‘doggie boot camp’!

Just in the introduction to the training course, I have learned so much! In the beginning, the trainer went over a lot of nutrition, tips, crate training, etc. Those were things I knew, but I’m always open to listening, as I could pick up something I didn’t know before. And I did! Tripe for dogs! I haven’t ever given my dogs tripe, but it is very good for them, along with fish oil and raw eggs. I knew about those 2, though.

Anyway, we started getting into the ‘meat’ of the first class, and we are doing a few things I recommend to clients’ already, but haven’t used on my own dog. I was a little blind to a lot of issues, and I have learned so much within the last 8 months about him. I have worked with him more and more, and I see results. I am so impressed with this particular trainer, that I really want to take some of her other courses. Too bad I’m not made of money..or time!

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Now, I’m following another trainer, named Fernando Camacho. His website is here. He is a dog trainer in New Jersey who has a free blog. I have been listening to his podcasts, and he is full of great information! Again, since I have been studying for a while, I knew some of what he was talking about already, but I always listen intently because I don’t want to miss something that could give me a new tool on my belt. He has wonderful links to sites to help you with training, and you don’t even have to be a trainer! He was the one who gave me the idea to do the pack walk, and just go for it! I’m so happy I listened, and I’m so excited to see the results of all my planning this week. Eventually, it won’t be so difficult/time consuming to do everything, but this is the first one I have done.

Anyway, wanted to share, and wanted to wish everyone a good weekend! Oh!! I don’t have time to post about it right now, but I want to update you on Ryder again.

Backstory

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A story about my life, and the struggles I am currently facing. It’s difficult because my life would be out there for everyone to see. But… maybe it will help people who also struggle with depression and/or have gone through a personal trauma.

Now, about me. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at the end of 2010. At the time,
there were quite a few traumatic events that took place leading up to a nervous breakdown, and eventually ended up with me at the therapist…because I tried to kill myself. Since then, I have realized I have always been depressed, though unable to accurately describe how I was feeling. I felt I had no reason to feel that way, and felt guilty because I was unhappy and sad when I should have been feeling happy and grateful for my life.

Since then, I have been medicated, gone through talk therapy, done self-improvement
programs, and discussed feelings. Some of it was effective, but when I was drugged, I was
numb. Instead of feeling sad and worthless, I felt nothing. I welcomed the lack of
feelings for a while, but then I felt like an empty shell of a person, just being a zombie
– going through the motions, but not really feeling anything.

In March of 2011, my husband and I adopted a gorgeous yellow lab, who is now a member of our family. He has helped me so much, and I can talk to him without feeling judged, lost, or walk like I’m on eggshells.
People don’t understand. When I open up and actually tell someone how I feel, they get
defensive or say ‘Don’t feel like that’, ‘Don’t talk like that’, ‘You know I love you’, or
‘You have friends you can talk to. Just talk it out.’. Yeah, well – because I haven’t
tried those before, right? Well, my dog doesn’t tell me those things. He just rests his
big head on my lap and licks my hand. In my world, he’s telling me that he understands and wants
me to know he’s there for me. With no words. He understands, and with just one look at me,
takes some of the pain away. He has become a crutch, and I depend on him to be there for me when I get home.

Napoleon

We thought about training him as a therapy dog. But his personality isn’t the right fit.
That’s alright, he’s still my crutch at home. I just can’t take him with me on trips or to
work or the grocery store. I just have to hold on until I get home and I’m with him again.

I love my husband, and I have talked to him about all my feelings. But again, there’s a
difference between a dog and a human. It’s not that I love him less, it’s that it’s
different. He tries to be supportive, but doesn’t understand how painful it is to be alive sometimes. When I try to tell him that, he gets upset. He doesn’t understand. We have been working through it, and he is trying to learn more about depression. He wants to try therapy again. Last time, my therapist wanted to talk about my childhood. I don’t want to
talk about it. There are a few reasons for that, which I won’t get into. Not yet.

This blog is about handling my depression and how I have/will overcome challenges. Right
now, I am in the process of opening up my dog training business. It has always been my
passion, and I am finally doing it. I am a ‘baby’ in this field, but I want to learn
everything there is to know, and become great in every aspect. I want to handle any
problem, any dog, and have any discussion (this includes the incredibly difficult
discussion of euthanasia). I want to be great, not just an average trainer.

Some of the challenges my husband and I have faced over last year have been trying on our marriage, on my career, and on my sanity. And I don’t exaggerate when I say ‘sanity’. We bought a new house in 2010 and had massive flooding problems. In 2012, we believed we had completely fixed the problem since we didn’t have problems for over a year. We struggled for 2 years to fix the problem, and rebuild 1/2 our home. Finally, we rebuilt and laid down new carpet. We refurnished our home – almost every piece of furniture in our house was bought new. We were finally done. This constant stress point put my stress levels and ability to deal with anything else at an ultimate high. For the last two years, this chapter of my life has been a constant struggle and pain point. Above that, we dealt with death, broken promises to each other, and loss of work.

This blog is going to be personal, challenging, and a journey for me. I hope that in writing this blog, I won’t be judged or seen any differently. For those of you who already know me, some of what I post will be a shock. I’m putting it out there, I’m not hiding anymore.