Tag Archives: passion

Here’s To You

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Moab Utah

Bowtie Arch, Moab, Utah
3/12/2016

Sometimes, it feels like the stars align in just the perfect way where you can’t believe things happened so perfectly. Careful though, this is not to be confused with a fairytale. Those don’t exist, and usually seem great until they come crashing down at some point. As I have said before, I’m choosing the way I want to live my life. I want to see amazing things, I want to put forth the very best I can, and I want to be happy. I want the hard parts too, because challenges and obstacles are what make us into who we are. Where I am now, I don’t need much to be happy. Which also makes me happy knowing that. I’ve worked so hard to develop the tools I have now to feel the way I do. I came from dark emotional alleys and dangerous gullies flooded with toxic thoughts. It’s taken so much time, effort, and a shit ton of sacrifice to pull myself out. But once I did, I’ve realized what is important, and what are distractions.

Every single day is a new opportunity to do better, be stronger, learn more, and grow. I feel I have done so much growing in the last several years, and it’s turned me into the person I am today. However, to grow much, you need to lose much. I have lost, I have hurt, I have been broken, and I have made mistakes that were costly. Yet, I have lived. I have so much more I want to do, and have so many dreams I want to fulfill. Failures are how we grow. I’ll keep making mistakes, and I’ll fail sometimes, and I’ll be ok with it. I’ll recover and move on. It makes me stronger, and I learn from them.

The situation and the experiences I have gone through in the last few years have been all over the map on the emotional scale. I lost myself. I learned to find it quickly, because I didn’t have a choice. I move fast, I don’t look back, and I heal fast. There isn’t another way. Life is too short and too precious to waste time on things that aren’t going to help us grow. The challenging part is figuring out what those things are.

I believe the soul is a muscle. We all have broken spirits in different ways from different things, and unless we truly want to devote the time and energy into strengthening and healing them, we can’t progress or feel true happiness. The journey of self discovery and self awareness started years ago. I didn’t realize it, but every choice I made brought me here. I look back and see what I’ve done, what I’ve been through, and where I’m going, and I am proud. I am humbled by the mistakes I have made, but I don’t regret anything because it has gotten me to where I am today. I love my life, and I love where I’m going. I have learned to pick myself up no matter what happens, and continue on. I am my own keeper, and I control my life.

There are parts that are uncertain or stagnant, but that’s ok. There are parts that are kind of shitty, and that’s ok too. And there are parts that are fucking incredible, which I like to think are the rewards. I have faith, love, and happiness in my life, and I will never stop giving 100% to everything I do. The reward of this is too great to do anything less.

So, here’s to you, Life. Thanks for all you do, and giving me the opportunities I have. To the mistakes I’ve made, to the rewards, to the learning, and to the failing. I don’t plan on stopping any time soon, nor do I plan on slowing down. Give me all you got, I want it all.

And just because I want to put some beautiful pictures I took of Moab in my post. Enjoy 😉

Moab, UT

Slickrock Canyon, Moab, UT
3/12/2016

Do or Do Not. There is no try.

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“Do or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda

yodaHad an epiphany today when doing some house hunting. The place I had in mind fell through. That’s ok, hakuna matata. I’ll find something else, and something better. I won’t let the little things like this get me down. I’m always looking for the ‘next big thing’. And this place is where I will make my footprint. It’s a little strange thinking about how I’m leaving this house and moving on… a lot of emotions on that. I’ll deal with those later (compartmentalizing), and I’m focusing on my big picture goal. Which is to get a place up and running where I can live and work, and leave work at work.

My epiphany had to do with the quote above. There have been many areas of my life where I’ve said ‘I’m trying’. ‘I’m trying to get better at ____’. ‘I’m trying to work things out’. ‘I’m trying!’ Stop. I’m done trying. I’m DOING. I’m not TRYING to find a place. I AM finding a place. I’m not TRYING to work things out. I AM working things out. I’m not TRYING to run an Ironman at the end of the year. I AM running an Ironman at the end of the year. It’s too hard for me to be half assed, in the middle or just trying. I’m better than that.

“The only failure is not to try.” – George Clooney

But what holds up back from giving it our all? Fear. Of what? I’ll tell you. It’s fear of failing. Everyone is scared of this in one sense or another. So… I’m scared. And I’m doing it anyway. I was nervous about working horses (I’ve always had a healthy fear of animals bigger than me). I’ve started working with them and learning a little about horsemanship. I’m scared of going through big milestones by myself. I’m doing it alone – like selling my house and buying a new one, moving into a temporary location. Let’s be honest, I think everyone is a little scared of doing big things like this alone. Starting my business somewhere else terrifies me. I did it before, yes… but I had the support of my ex husband. Now, I really am on my own and have the support of myself. Relocating is scary, but I’m doing it. I was/am afraid of guns. I went shooting (And I did really good!). I’m scared about doing big house projects. Guess what? Yeah, I’ve done some big ones recently. And I think my biggest fear of everything… I am scared of putting myself out there emotionally. I’m trying again – cautiously, but I’m doing it. To receive the type of emotional support and love I deserve, I need to put myself out there too. So, I’m in. And I’m putting all of me out there. I’m all about doing things that scare me lately.

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” – Elbert Hubbard

success
So, I’m done ‘trying’. I’m DOING now. If I want something, I’m working on my big goals. Even if it means I fail. Hard. I’m in. All the way. Failure doesn’t mean the world is ending, it just means there’s an opportunity to learn and grow. The fear of the unknown totally scares me. When I don’t know what is going to happen, I usually have horrible anxiety. I’m going with the flow this time, and just letting what happens, happen.

Do something that scares you every day. It will help build you into an unstoppable entity of power and confidence. Just do it in the right away so you don’t become an asshole. At least, I believe that. I have more drive every day where everything else is telling me I’ll fail. Sometimes I get knocked down. Hard. But it seems the harder I fall, the stronger I become.

Ok life…. it’s time to BEAST MODE!!!!

“Experience teachings slowly, and at the cost of mistakes.” – James A. Froude.