Ups and Downs

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Just a cute picture of Max, cuddling with me

On any given day, I have ups and downs. The ups are where I’m flying and I can take on any challenge presented to me. My downs make me want to die. I just get overwhelmed and any decision at this point derails me and makes me want to break down and cry.

This is a normal day for me. Is this normal for a person who has bipolar disorder? I know that the ups are UP and the downs are death, but every day being a massive roller coaster ride of mixed emotions? It’s exhausting! I can’t catch up, I can’t keep the rhythm, and it changes so quickly.

I am seeing my therapist again on Friday. I have 2 weeks of data collected so we can find out what exactly is going on with me. She gave me a few assignments.

1)      Monitor my sleep. Don’t change it, just mark how many hours I get every day.

2)      Count my positive and negative thoughts every day. Ok, I haven’t been so good on this one, I don’t have an exact number. I’ll have to crack down on this one next week.

3)      Monitor my overall mood every day (agitated, anxious, happy, etc.) and if I was able to get some work done through these feelings or not.

4)      Be aware of thinking patterns. Don’t change them, just be aware of them. Also identify other people’s thinking patterns.

I have followed all these things, except counting my thoughts… I mean, I know a general ratio, as my negative thoughts are generally more than my positive ones. But I also like to think that 1 positive thought = 10 negative thoughts.

So, I’m excited to see what my therapist has to say about my data I collected, and I will work more on ‘counting’ my good/bad thoughts.

On another note, we are babysitting ‘Pittie’ again, and I just love him. He remembers our house rules, does awesome on the eCollar around our cats (I haven’t had to use it very much). He is such an awesome dog, and does wonderful things for Napoleon.

I’ll have to share our adventures next week.

Distracted Day

 

distracted

Today, I just feel distracted… I start working on something, and then I get pulled into something else. Or, I get distracted because of a phone call, an email, a text, facebook, or another work-related something.

I keep thinking about dogs. Haha, I’m always thinking about dogs. But today, I was excited about seeing one of my long-term doggie clients. He was recently neutered, so I was excited to see how his behavior is now. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks, so I also wanted to see he was progressing without me. I normally get to accompany him and his human-momma to class on Saturdays, but I won’t be able to attend this weekend. Rarely happens, but a series of different events led up to this moment. See? Now I’m thinking about the social this weekend.

**And then my coworker got my attention by making colonoscopy jokes. Ok, back to dogs.***

great-dane-puppy

Super cute dane puppy picture I found

My husband and I have been discussing getting a second dog, on and off really, for quite some time. We are ready, and then something financial happens. Or we are 100% on board, and then the dog gets adopted before we get there.  The puppy fell through (see my post on Great Dane Breeding), and I’m still disappointed. Though, I would much rather rescue anyway, instead of buy.

So, we are just putting it on the back burner, and letting it happen when it happens. Yes, I will continue looking, but it seems I just get my heart broken every time. I want to have a dog throughout its whole life. Go through the puppy stages, adolescence, adult stage, senior, and then make the final decision to terminate life when the time comes. I want to be there every step of the way, and be there the whole time. Someday… someday.

So, let’s do some self-searching, and talk about feelings again. Right now, in this moment:

-Distracted
-Sad, it’s an underlying constant
-No Motivation (not sure if this is a feeling, but meh). This started last night.
-Excited !!

Oh yeah! I’m babysitting a trainer friend’s dog this weekend, and he’s coming tonight. I’m excited for a few reasons.
1) Having a second dog over the weekend. That’s always fun for me.
2) Napoleon gets a playmate.
3) He’s a pittie, and I love this breed. Since he’s not my dog, I’ll say his name is ‘Dawg’
4) He’s a ‘teacher’ and will help Napoleon learn what is acceptable and what is not.

I’ll post about our adventures over the weekend on Monday. Oh, back to my emotion list…

-Nervous (About the cats and Dawg)
-Tired, I always feel tired these days
-Worried (My hubby is sick today and about money-constant)
-Annoyed at all the spam emails I have

Well, I think that sums it up for this exact moment in time. How is your day going?