A True Leader

What makes a true leader? Is it money? Or power? Or the ability to cause others to fear you? Ignorance, maybe? I’m not just talking about the newly elected President. I’m talking about all leadership figures. CEOs, parents, dog parents, teachers… etc. What really makes someone powerful? What makes you want to follow someone? I’ll tell you what it is for me. I’ll tell you how someone can gain my respect and make me want to follow them to the ends of the Earth.

If I was a leader, I would provide patience. This is a scary word because you give up all control when you have patience, and put your faith in their hands. You watch and let them make mistakes. Then, you gently guide them back into making a better choice next time. Chewing on the furniture or drawing on the walls? “Hey! That’s not ok! But you can chew on this toy, or write on this paper.” Then, the frustration is gone, and you go about your day. A gentle, small correction, and then redirection onto something appropriate is enough.

What happens when frustration gets the better of you? And you overcorrect? Yell at them, take something away, add way too many rules (keep them on a short leash, in dog terms), or maybe even turn to a physical correction that is too rough? It always damages the relationship. Every time. Whether that’s your dog, your child, America’s citizens, or your significant other. What is recovery like? Distrust, hurt, anger, and walls go up. You have lost respect. Which, in turn, will also turn into distrust. When the respect and the trust are gone, there is no meaningful relationship anymore. The negativity will overcome all the positivity in the relationship, and it will be harder and harder to recover, if at all.

Patience. If you stop trying to control everything, and you let it go with gentle corrections, the relationship will recover over time, and the trust will return. This has to be an active choice, and you can’t half ass this. Take emotion out of it, and truly try to meet the others’ needs during this fragile time. Acceptance, trust, and respect are earned. This doesn’t happen overnight. Let things heal before you start pushing. Wait it out, wait for them to make a decision. Kids, dogs, significant others, and America. Stop trying to force their decisions. When forced, especially with aggression, more and more damage will occur to the point where it is non-recoverable. Anger, hate, irritability, and rioting will become a daily occurrence. As emotions subside, recovery can begin.

spreadloveI’m disappointed in this election’s results. However, this was what America wanted. We are in a democratic government, and the public has decided they feel this is the best choice for our country. I don’t need to spread negativity to make it clear how I feel, and my one vote (if I had even voted) didn’t matter, as I thought. But, we, as a people, had a voice. I had faith in the public. When we have anxiety, it’s because we don’t have control. I’m trying to relinquish my control, so I put my faith in the American people to make a choice. I had patience, and I didn’t watch the numbers last night, I went to sleep with thoughts of my hunny and our dogs. I thanked the spirits for how fortunate I was to have a safe place to live, be surrounded by animals, and that we have a beautiful plan for our future. I didn’t think of politics, or anything else. I went to sleep peacefully, even though I didn’t sleep well. I had a very bad, very disturbing dream that left me with a pit in my stomach. So I meditated and pushed out whatever negative energy had made it’s way inside me. I want to feel light and happy, and that dream was not helping me. It was emotionally jarring, and I didn’t need to hang on to it. So I let it go and went about my morning.

The people spoke and decided what they wanted. It is over, it’s been decided, and now recovery can begin, if America will let it be and start spreading love to each other. Let’s be positive and patient in this time so we can help our country heal. We all have to work together.

Hate, negativity, fear, control, and pride are all things that will not help us heal. Let’s show America’s beauty and honor the sacrifices so many have made for us to be able to live the way we do. Our soldiers died for the right for us to vote. They died for us to have the freedom of speech. Our soldiers aren’t the only ones who sacrifice. There are acts of bravery on a daily basis that we don’t see. So, don’t ignore them. Don’t take those for granted. These warriors gave up so much so we can have the freedom to feel those emotions without fear of expressing them. So regardless of who you voted for, or your standpoint on politics, religion or any other personal value, spread love and understanding. Seek to learn, instead of to hurt. Go out of your way to be positive and cast aside negative thoughts. Lift each other up! So instead of sharing our negative thoughts, let’s bond together and make this the country it was meant to be. We can all make a difference, we are all important. It doesn’t matter who is President, let’s find the beauty in this new leadership. Let’s be hopeful and positive, and help make each other’s lives beautiful. Share positivity wherever you go, and shine your light bright. You matter. We ALL matter.

america

Gay Marriage

Marriage-is-about-LOVE-gay-marriage-26811416-500-375Gay. Marriage. Depression. Sex.

A few things in my life. I am gay (well, bisexual to be technical). I am married, to a man. Just happened that way. I wasn’t particularly looking for a man, I could have ended up with a woman. But it just ended up that way. That’s ok, too. Depression, well, I’ve talked about that one before. And Sex. I LOVE sex. Who doesn’t?

Anyway, gay marriage. Let’s put those together.  GAY MARRIAGE. In my mind, this is a beautiful thing. 2 people meeting, finding love, and starting a life together.  To some, it’s repulsive. Why? Because it’s so misunderstood, religion, ignorance, lack of education, change, something new…

Many reasons.

Why do I see gay marriage this way? Because 1) I’m gay. 2) I think if you have to fight for something, you appreciate it more. You are fighting against society. You have to really FIGHT and take abuse in order to continue being yourself and loving someone.

Family. GAY MARRIAGES having CHILDREN together. A man and a man biologically cannot have child together.  A woman and a woman biologically cannot have a child together. Does this mean they can’t have children? No! There are other ways to have a baby. And these ways are beautiful.  These people have to work so hard for what they want in life.  Again, this is wonderful, and almost brings tears to my eyes to see something so beautiful.

Depression. Many people already suffer from depression, but imagine this: A gay man is married to a woman, and has a couple of kids. Every day, he has to lie to himself. Force himself to sleep with someone who he doesn’t find attractive, and in some cases – finds disgusting. Sexually, he is not satisfied by her. Physically, he is missing a part of himself. Is this right? In my mind, no. He is wasting his life, pretending to be someone he is not. So, depression sets in. Does he leave his family to be himself? Does he stay and live out a life that is a lie?

Sex. Woman on woman, man on man, woman and man. What is right? Why? We are in a civilization where people can BE HAPPY.  People get uncomfortable when we talk about gay sex. Why? Picture: A woman and a man having sex. Great, right? Now a woman on a woman:  Men and women alike seem to be fine with this as well. Now, a man and a man having sex: For me, I think it’s fine too – no change in feelings. For some people, this is unacceptable, and makes them cringe. Why?  To be, again, all sex is beautiful.

Discrimination.samesexmarriage

It’s an ugly word with many meanings. Let’s stay on topic and talk about gay marriage. The entire gay community has been discriminated against for as long as there were open gays in the world. Now, why? I have a theory. I see my gay friends, myself included, and I see different personalities. I think society has a problem with the more flamboyant gays. Ones that like to advertise themselves, as well as being gay. They like to talk about gay sex in front of straight people to get a rise out of them. They like to say ‘spread awareness’. But, would any other combination of a couple talk about their bedroom life so openly? Some would, of course. But, because the gay community has to fight so hard for what they want, it sometimes seems like they try too hard. Good intentions, gone bad, I think.

I like talking about sex just as much as anyone, and will openly answer any questions anyone has. Maybe not everyone would do that, but I don’t advertise my bedroom life, nor would I think my partners would appreciate that. Since I am married, I only have one sex partner, but that wasn’t so in the past. And I can honestly say, I don’t think any of them would like me talking what we have done in the past without their permission, or unless they were there.

As a close to this thought I had today, I want to point out, there are bad eggs in every genre of people. Just because someone is gay doesn’t mean they are a bad person, or a bad mom/dad. It doesn’t mean they are going to hurt someone or not do well in school. It doesn’t mean they can’t love. And it doesn’t mean they can’t be happy. It means they are different. And as a society, I hope we grow to accept all differences in this world.

STOP THE BULLYING! STOP THE HATE! STOP THE DISCRIMINATION. We all want to be loved and acknowledged. And here’s a funny video as thanks for reading my thoughts today.