Ups and Downs

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Just a cute picture of Max, cuddling with me

On any given day, I have ups and downs. The ups are where I’m flying and I can take on any challenge presented to me. My downs make me want to die. I just get overwhelmed and any decision at this point derails me and makes me want to break down and cry.

This is a normal day for me. Is this normal for a person who has bipolar disorder? I know that the ups are UP and the downs are death, but every day being a massive roller coaster ride of mixed emotions? It’s exhausting! I can’t catch up, I can’t keep the rhythm, and it changes so quickly.

I am seeing my therapist again on Friday. I have 2 weeks of data collected so we can find out what exactly is going on with me. She gave me a few assignments.

1)      Monitor my sleep. Don’t change it, just mark how many hours I get every day.

2)      Count my positive and negative thoughts every day. Ok, I haven’t been so good on this one, I don’t have an exact number. I’ll have to crack down on this one next week.

3)      Monitor my overall mood every day (agitated, anxious, happy, etc.) and if I was able to get some work done through these feelings or not.

4)      Be aware of thinking patterns. Don’t change them, just be aware of them. Also identify other people’s thinking patterns.

I have followed all these things, except counting my thoughts… I mean, I know a general ratio, as my negative thoughts are generally more than my positive ones. But I also like to think that 1 positive thought = 10 negative thoughts.

So, I’m excited to see what my therapist has to say about my data I collected, and I will work more on ‘counting’ my good/bad thoughts.

On another note, we are babysitting ‘Pittie’ again, and I just love him. He remembers our house rules, does awesome on the eCollar around our cats (I haven’t had to use it very much). He is such an awesome dog, and does wonderful things for Napoleon.

I’ll have to share our adventures next week.