Tag Archives: project dog

Paranoid

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This quote really describes how I feel right now

Yesterday, I wrote about friendship and about how lonely I am. More and more I am noticing I am intentionally left out or not invited to lunch, to “girl’s night” or just dinner. My husband says it’s because everyone is busy and it’s the summer so people have things to do. Kids are out of school, and everyone is spending family time with each other. Is that true? That hanging out with friends is just not a priority, or is it me? It is because we don’t have kids, so we don’t fit in with this crowd?

I find myself getting ignored, talked over, and being completely forgotten. It’s not only in just one place. It’s at work, it’s with old friends, new friends, at home, in my neighborhood. Am I just blind, and not seeing when some people make an effort?

Again, my husband says that I’m just seeing the bad because I’m ‘in the darkness’ right now. Which is what we call it when I’m having a ‘depression episode’.

Nothing is wrong in my life. No horrible trauma has happened. Normal every day stressors are happening every day, but right now, it feels like every little thing that is going wrong is the end of the world.

For example, my husband asked me today, “You called me to tell me one thing, and now you are freaking out and getting all emotional. What’s wrong – what’s really wrong? Because you are throwing this out of proportion.”

Well, what is wrong…?

Maybe it’s because my neighbor’s sprinkler was flooding our front yard.  A company our neighbor hired went over to talk to them about it and my husband wants to hire them to work on our lawn.

If we hire them, we aren’t going to have any money. We will go bankrupt. We will have to eat ramen and mac and cheese, and we’ll get unhealthy and fat. We’ll have horrible skin and get acne. Then, we can’t afford to feed the animals, and they’ll have to eat normal store-bought food instead of eating raw.

And because we won’t have any money, I will have to get another job and work extra to make more money to make up for all the bills we are skipping. I will have to quit my business and then abandon my dream.

And what about how I feel? My heart won’t stop, I can’t catch my breath, I can’t see straight, and I couldn’t sleep last night because I was crying, and thinking about how no one likes me and really doesn’t want to hang out with me.

What if everyone is just pretending to be nice to me because they are nice people?  Am I that repulsive? Do people really not want to be around me? Well, I think I’m done then. I’m done asking people to hang out. I’m done expecting people to ask me to lunch. I’m done asking if people want to come over and walk their dogs with me or come have a drink. Or watch this stupid Vampire Diaries show, which I have never seen, but I thought it would be fun to do with some friends. I’m done asking people to be friends. I can’t do it anymore.

How do I handle all this? I put on the happy suit and go about my day – hiding my invisible battle. Hiding my feelings and just pretending like everything is ok. Because I have to fake it to make it. Right?

RyderFinally, a paid holiday off. Tomorrow is Independence Day. I’m not looking forward to the kids or the fireworks or the noise. But I am looking forward to no work, no training appointments, and I actually get to do something for myself for once. And I am boarding Ryder – a Great Dane I have been working with. I should really get around to writing an update about him. He is back and forth on progress, but overall, it’s one step forward, ½ step back every single day. Progress is incredibly slow, but he has made significant changes since we started working with him. He is way more balanced. Now that I know more about him since the workshop, I see changes, and I see respect and calm behavior… As soon as he feels he can be disrespectful, he will. Anyway, I will have to write about this later…if anyone cares.

Update: Ryder, the Project Dog

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RyderMy project boy, Ryder has stopped making improvements. The family is frustrated, and just wants him to be a good dog. For him to be a ‘good dog’ it will take time, patience, and LOTS AND LOTS of training. He has made many improvements, and his pushy-ness has really gone down… until recently.

This is Ryder, the very same Great Dane I have been working with for quite a while.  He was recently neutered, and I have seen him a few times since. It seems his behavior is worse after the procedure than before.

I have come to the realization that he desperately needs harsher corrections. Positive reinforcement isn’t working for him anymore, and he isn’t responding to verbal commands (yet). He respects me when I walk him, or give him a command, but he doesn’t have any impulse control. If he wants something, he will go for it.

He is also still reactive towards men. The last encounter was when I was training last week. We had a neighbor (man) come over and did a slow introduction. The neighbor actually doesn’t know how to behave around animals very well (seemed like he wanted to play rough with Ryder), and it was making Ryder uneasy. I was watching his behavior, and he did very well. We just really need to keep working on socialization.

We have recently introduced tethering inside the house, where he has to earn his freedom. When he is tethered, unless he is lying down calmly, he will be ignored. Slowly, I believe he will get there. We discussed consistency, and how important this is – more for Ryder than a ‘normal’ dog, as he is incredibly pushy and needs to learn some respect. I use this technique often with puppies and dogs who need to learn to respect boundaries.

He hasn’t been to the Saturday Socials lately because of the surgery (down time), and time constraints. We plan on taking him on Saturday, and I’m eager to see how he does. He does so much better once he has received some discipline while at social.

Apparently, he has also been barking when he is outside at passersby and being a nuisance. So, a new bark collar was introduced. I don’t have a ton of experience with bark collars (eCollar), so I am learning as I go on these. I don’t recommend them yet, because I want to learn how they work, and have a bit more experience. I don’t recommend anything that I haven’t used personally. So, I will be getting experience in these as well. With Napoleon, and you can find out why here.

Anyway, I am open to suggestions on anything else we can try, as my ‘mentor’ is out of town right now, so I can’t ask her. I will ask the trainers on Saturday what we can do about his pushy behavior – other than what we are already doing. Thanks all for reading! Feel free to comment any suggestions you might have!

Funny Blogger

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So, I found this blog today, and seriously… it’s really funny. I read a few of the ‘Best Of’s (Ok, I read all of them), and they are really REALLY funny. If you want a laugh, this girl does an awesome job on her blog.

I’m just finishing up for the day, and I have to run to the butcher before I head over to my Project Dog’s house. So, this is all I can post today. But I thought I would leave something funny in my wake today.

On a side note, doggie-sitting is all fun and games until someone gets licked in the face! hehe, just kidding. He’s been a blast! Adventure story of my week with a pittie is coming, everyone!

I haven’t forgotten, I promise! He’s still with us today, and possibly tomorrow, so I want to finish out our adventure before I start posting stories!