Tag Archives: zen

Programming

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As my energy healer calls it, I’ve been running the same “program” for many years, resulting in the same story presenting itself over and over again in different areas of my life. We changed a program. I feel myself wanting to go back to that program sometimes.

The one I’m taking about is the ability to solve problems or find solutions. Sometimes, I’ve made up my own problems so that I could make up a solution for it. I’ve done this for years, and I was always told it was a symptom of anxiety. To keep the mind busy means happiness. When left alone, you feel unprepared when something does happen. Well, I’m no longer running this program. Which means less stress overall, and I don’t have to make up problems. Which also means I don’t have to constantly think about solutions all the time. Big projects and dreams don’t overwhelm me anymore, and I’m no longer looking at the end result. I’m looking at the now, and enjoying the journey.

goodlifeGoal-driven projects and dreams set us up to fail, increase stress, and always make us seem like we don’t have enough. So, I’ve stopped running this program. I take life as I go, and enjoy the every day moments a little more. I stop reading into every word said (or not said), and the little things that would normally drive me into a frenzy because I couldn’t figure out what the underlying meaning was.

“It’s not a big deal” used to irritate me when people said that to me. TO ME, everything was a big deal. I was all or nothing, and every day, I reminded myself of the big dreams, big goals, and BIG life I live. I guess it was an overwhelming weight on my shoulders. I take it as it comes now. It’s a way lighter feeling to not have to worry about how much I’m moving towards my goals. I’m exactly where I need to be. I have dreams, sure. And I’m motivated, but I’m done letting it affect my state of mind all the time and bring me down.

I work hard to be positive and to enjoy the moment. I don’t miss the little things that make life LIFE anymore. I go through phases where I see everything that’s beautiful and appreciate even the things a lot of people can’t see the beauty in. I go out of my way to see the good in people. Then, other phases, where I want to complain, bitch, and pick out all the negative things…especially in myself. When my self esteem is low, I look for things that are wrong with me. Why I can’t be happy, or make anyone else happy. My job is not to make anyone else happy. It’s to be happy.

So, I’ve been enjoying every single little thing I can think of, and filling up my thoughts with positive, happy vibes. No matter what’s going on around me, I’m in control of my state of mind, and how I see the world. So, I choose to see the beauty…again. I lose touch every once in a while, and I think that’s part of the learning curve.

I’ll get it. I want to be a positive, shining example for people who struggle with positivity. I want to share these happy feelings with the dogs I work with, my clients, and every person I come in contact with.

My success is based off of what I value about myself. Not what others gauge to be important to them. What does success mean to you? Personal value? Money? Family? Land? Material possessions? To me, it means emotional prosperity. I want to fill fulfilled as a person, and feel like I have achieved happiness. There are many ways to get there. What do I need to feel that way? A positive state of mind where I can appreciate all the good around me. What does it mean to you?

beautySo, world peace, love, and harmony to every one who reads this. We are all beautiful people. Don’t let anyone tell you different. You don’t need someone to tell you that you’re beautiful. Remind yourself instead. You are in charge of your own happiness. It’s hard sometimes, but you’re purpose is your own. You can lift yourself up, you can also bring yourself down. You are in charge of you. Make this so. In the end, the only person you have is you.

Unexplained Peace

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journeyAll is right. In this perfect present moment, everything is exactly how it should be. I’m totally one in this present moment and everything is right. How can that be when the world isn’t perfect? Nor did I have the perfect day. Far from it. How can I be so ‘present’ when emotionally I was so all over the place today? I was pissed, angry, tired, depressed, frustrated, disappointed, and panicked. Lots went wrong today. But here I am, in this present moment, and everything is right in the world.

Maybe because I’m choosing to see the world in that way. I’m choosing to see the beautiful. I’m choosing to feel the zen. I’m not manic, I’m not overly positive. I’m just here. Just being. I see the beauty in myself, in the world, in the work of others, and the beauty of mistakes. But I also see the disappointment, misunderstandings, greed, and failures. It makes us who we are. Neither are bringing out any emotions in me right now. I’m just an observer.

Things went wrong today. It was actually kind of a shitty day. An hour ago I had plenty to write about. Now, I feel like my mind is blank…in a good way, so I’m just trying to explain this feeling.

I felt so overwhelmed, pissed, sad, panicked, angry, disappointed, blindsided, and then now… nothing. Not numb, at least not in a bad way. I’m not depressed, or manic. This doesn’t happen often. I’m usually on one side of the spectrum, especially lately. It’s kind I’m just here in this physical body. My soul is here, at peace, in my physical body using it to harbor a calm soul. It’s a feeling I haven’t felt in months, and I guess it just took me by surprise.

flowersThis is the mood where I just go outside and stare up into the sky and observe. I watch everything. It’s like I find a deep meaning in everything, and in nothing. Material things don’t matter. Physical bodies are just there to support the spirit. Emotions are not present. Physical looks, products, money, materials and possessions cease to matter in this state of mind. All that matters is the soul. Politics and corporate drama are non important. Conflict between friends seems to fade away. All that’s left is the spirit, the soul, and a higher purposes. It has been a very, very long time since I’ve felt this feeling of what I call ‘ultimate peace’.

I was feeling vulnerable and very strong emotions of being scared of death earlier in the day. I felt like I was dying. I was literally thinking I was going to die. This time, I panicked in the water, and I felt like the ability to breathe was also taken away from me. In this present moment, fear is gone. I thought of loss of life, and all my loved ones living on without me. For some reason, right now the fear of death is gone. If I were to shed my physical body in this moment, I feel like my soul would be free, and I would be at peace with it. This is not a depressed feeling, or suicidal thoughts flooding my conscious. This is not me wishing for death. There is nothing negative about what I’m feeling. It’s like everything is quiet with me. My conscious and subconscious are on the same plane of existence and I’m feeling one in myself.

It’s like this feeling has also shed emotions because they don’t exist in this state of mind. Maybe I’m dreaming while I’m awake? Because the only time I can remember I have felt this is when I have woken up from a very good dream (also rare when that happens).

No idea what triggered this feeling, and also it doesn’t matter. I don’t care to figure it out because it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter where this feeling came from because it doesn’t exist in this state of mind. Whatever it is, I feel like I want to preserve it. The ultimate peace is learning to be. Have I somehow figured out how to do that? I’ve been trying for years. Yet, in this moment, it hit me. Just now. Very strange, but I’m ok with it. I would love to feel this at peace all the time.